Then there is frustration over disappearing shoes, mountains of laundry, and the unmistakable stench of poop in the pants . . . again; guilt as her own cutting words spill from her daughter’s mouth; anger over corrective words that fall on deaf ears; repulsion of removing diarrhea-soaked clothing and washing chunks of puke from long-girl hair; weariness because all of the work is never, ever done.

 

So where, dear mother, do you go with all of these complex emotions? Can your children say as Katy in Stepping Heavenward, “She has gone now, where she always goes when she feels sad, straight to God.” Or would they say that you, like me, go straight to Ben and Jerry’s or Starbucks? (And, yes, your children are watching.)

 

Do you “[o]pen your mouth wide” and trust the Lord to fill it with what you truly need (Psalm 81:10), or do you shovel it full of chocolate and caffeine? Do you go to the Bible to “be transformed by the renewing of your mind”(Romans 12:2), or do you go to the Mall to be made over by an updated wardrobe? Do you “[c]ast your burden upon the Lord” knowing that “He will sustain you” (Psalm 55:22), or do you update your status on Facebook hoping to be upheld by the messages on your wall? Do you go to Christ who “will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28), or do you seek respite in the illusiveness of novels and television?

 

C. S. Lewis once wrote, “Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

 

God says, “Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good, And delight yourself in abundance.” When you “spend money for what is not bread, And your wages for what does not satisfy” (Isaiah 55:2), you eat mud pies. Jesus says, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied” (Matthew 5:6). When you choose instead to “set your mind on earthly things” (Philippians 3:19), you eat mud pies.

 

The daily life of a mother is fraught with emotion. Each day has its own blessings and trials that God uses to shape our souls. I don’t want to settle for a fat body, or a fat closet, or a fat list of “friends,” or a fat imagination to get me through this season of motherhood. I don’t want to eat mud pies. Instead, I want to earnestly seek God and be able to say, “My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness, And my mouth offers praises with joyful lips” (Psalm 63:1, 5). By His grace, I want to be fat with thanksgiving for my daily life as a mother.