What is up, people???

 

This conference is going to rock your socks off. Maybe you doubt this absolutely objective statement of fact. Well, let Nathan Alberson put your trepidations to rest with his most excellent Top Ten Reasons to Attend the 2010 ClearNote Conference:

 

10. There will be speaking in tongues. Specifically, the English tongue, and possibly some big Latin theology words. We'll get somebody to translate those.

 

9. Attention fans of Mother Earth: the programs will all be printed on one-hundred percent eco-friendly, bio-disposable dolphin skin. 

 

8. ClearNote believes in the equality and liberation of women. For this reason, each woman in attendance will be allowed to choose her own head covering and veil (available in the lobby) before entering her side of the sanctuary.

 

7. At the conclusion of each thrilling and invigorating session, ushers will be on hand to wake you up.

 

6. Chairs will be provided during each session for those who make a minimal love gift.

 

5. If at any time you become overwhelmed with joy and zeal, a Presbyterian will be standing by to talk you out of it.

 

4. Enjoy fun, food, and true Christian fellowship at the hot dog and heretic roast. (Bring a heretic to burn, and a side-dish to share).

 

3. You may see a Baptist attempt to dance. (Or he may have a slight leg cramp - hard to tell the difference)

 

2. The hundredth person to sign up for the conference will receive a free hacky sack. The hundredth person not to sign up for the conference will have his hacky sack taken from him.

 

1. You will learn more about fear and trembling at this conference than a British Petroleum executive in a room full of gulf-coast shrimp fishermen.

 

Now, isn’t that better? Mosey on over to registration and get it done.